draceena and Nibiru, thanks for your support, you'll never know what it means to me. Ever since my surgery in 2006, which was supposed to straighten out my illness, my life has been a constant hell. The surgery did strengthen and stabilized my spine, but there were complications, which were explained to me beforehand. However, it was a damned if you do, or damned if you don't surgery. My lumbar region of the spine was in danger of collapse, which would have severed my spinal cord, and that would have led to numerous problems, including death.
At the time of the surgery, I had severe pain in my legs & hips, which were due to nerves being pinched. I was given a good chance of the surgery stabilizing my spine, which it did. However, during the surgery, which lasted 7 or 8 hours, there was damage done to the nerve roots, and this is what led to me needing to be on pain meds since then. I go to a pain management specialist, who attempted every procedure possible to free me from narcotic use, but to no avail. At that point, I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease, a very bad condition, one that can strike any point of my spine at will.
So recently, about four months or so ago, I noticed pain in my neck, along with numbness in the wrists and hands, which has led me not being able to use my computer as much as I wish. Sometimes, they are accompanied with headaches, and a couple of times, a toothache. My dentist found nothing wrong with my tooth, except the nerve being inflamed. He offered to pull it, but cautioned me that most likely, others would soon follow, and I don't want to be toothless.
A recent CT scan (they can't do a MRI because of the titanium hardware in my spine) revealed that I have two bulging discs in the base of my neck, along with nerve inflammation in the area. This is very similar to what happened to me earlier in my life. My family doctor and my spine surgeon suggested putting further surgery off as long as possible, citing my already diminished quality of life, and the chance of a successful neck surgery would be half the chance that I was given on my back surgery.
So, with these things in mind, my surgeon placed me on Demerol, and had me stop taking the Opana, another potent immediate release opioid. So now I have two 100/mcg fentanyl patches on, that I change every 72 hours, and take 150mg Demerol every three to four hours as needed, and have the option to take two tablets twice during the day, if necessary.
Due to the fact of the high potency of these meds, my doctor has asked me to surrender my drivers license by my next appointment, for obvious reasons. My continued driving would be a disaster waiting to happen, and I certainly don't want to harm anyone. So for the meantime, it's a waiting game, when I can't stand the pain anymore, my options will have ran out, I'll have to undergo the knife once again.
As far as that bitch of a wife that I have, I'm sure that deep down, she's delighted by this. She seldom helps me, always going to see her kids and granddaughter, and leaving me to fend for myself. The only reason that she stands by me is the fact that I draw a much larger monthly check than her (she's disabled, too), and there's a $250,000 life insurance policy that she is the irrevocable beneficary of (due to a prior separation agreement in 1995). She pays the premiums on it, I refuse to do so.
But at this time, I have good and bad days, and the bad is far outweighing the good. I'm starting to have memory lapses, and often in a state of confusion. And getting more and more bedridden by the day. I can only sit for a short period, and can hardly stand at all. I do try to keep my mind off of my illness by being on the computer, and doing different things with them. My wife complains about that, saying that I spend too much money on it, but it's perfectly fine for her to do for her children and granddaughter. As I've said, she leaves me alone a lot, but really, I don't give a damn, she can go live with them, as far as I'm concerned. I was on Xanax for our relationship problems long before my other medical issues needed attention, and still am.
But I've got to rest a bit, I'm not going anywhere, but cannot spend the kind of time I once did on here. If I do have to be in a hospital for my condition (surgery), I'll let you know, so everyone won't think I "just left". Love you all.
Cat
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